i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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