She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
