Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
