I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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