If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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