It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
