ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
