New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
