put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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