Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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