im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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