i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
