I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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