I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
