her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
