if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
