I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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