When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
