i can't believe i had my finger in that
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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