Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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