I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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