I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
