he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
