Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
