So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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