I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
