My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
