I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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