I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
