i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
