this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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