I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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