My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
