i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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