And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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