So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
