areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
