I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
