Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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