he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
