i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
