We won't sleep together?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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