That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
