On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
