We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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