I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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