i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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