I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Girls should come with a carfax report
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
