Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
