bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
