I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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