Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
