So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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