I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
