I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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