You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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