You're my little dorito
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
