hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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