At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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