been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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