I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize