My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
