I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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