I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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