The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
