Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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