woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
