is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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